Fighting About It
This is one of the most important mistakes to avoid. here is something to keep in mind: it’s only money. Money is simply a common denominator used for trade. It enables us to scale the value of one good or service and trade with another. Money is not happiness, fulfillment, or grace.
Money is supposed to enhance our lives, not tear them apart. Life is meant to focus on the good things in it; relationships, family, experiences, memories.
Many times fighting over money is a symptom of something deeper that needs to be corrected. If you find yourself in this scenario, take the time to investigate why you are fighting about money. and work on fixing the root cause.
Lending It
You might have heard the phrase ‘the borrower is the slave of the lender” in one form or another. It’s actually more than just a common phrase, it’s a biblical passage that holds meaningful wisdom. Lending money to a friend or family member drastically changes the dynamic of the relationship. It effectively makes you the master and them the slave. Who wants that?
If you feel the need to assist someone deserving, find a way to do it without indebting them. Being generous to other people is beautiful. Does a family member need money for an emergency dental procedure? Offer to step up and cover the bill for them, assuming you have the means to do so. Don’t make it an IOU situation.
Bottom line: If you value a relationship, don’t lend money.
Borrowing It
See above.
Okay, Okay, Okay… there is some leniency here. For example, a house is too large of a purchase for most of us to buy without borrowing money, so it is a practical exception. All other forms of borrowing should be off-limits. It’s the age-old rule of “If you don’t have the money, you can’t have it”.
It’s true that we need things that have hefty price tags (reliable transportation, college education, braces for the kid) but debt shouldn’t be the automatic solution just because it widely available and easy to obtain (dangerous!!).
Intentional planning and thorough investigation of needs and available options to fill those needs is paramount. Do your research. Don’t victimize yourself into thinking/feeling that the ‘only’ way is that brand new truck or that out-of-state university. There are other options and methods.
Loving It (Greed)
Like chasing after the wind, loving money is meaningless. There is a difference between earning a good living and having an intense, selfish desire for wealth. Don’t let the pursuit consume your life or your heart.
It is okay to have an abundance of money! If an entrepreneur takes a risk, fills a need, and becomes successful, shouldn’t they reap the rewards? Yes! Make money, spend money, save money, and give money, but don’t fall into the trap of obsessing over money.
Not Being On The Same Page About It
Communicating your ideas about money is just as important as communicating your ideas about raising kids, life goals, and family values. Being on the same page takes work, but because it affects so many areas of our lives, it’s a must to having healthy relationships.
Whether it’s a spouse, parent, child, sibling, or business partner, talking through your ideas is the only way to find out the differences that may lie between. Everyone’s input should be welcome and thoughtfully regarded. Come to a decision on what works best for everyone and don’t leave space for misinterpretation or misunderstanding.
Neglecting To Teach Your Children About It
Money habits are just that – habits. Children watch our every move as they grow. They pick up on our behaviors, mannerisms, slang, purchasing habits and so much more. The breadth of money and finances is so wide, it can sometimes be hard to realize what you are teaching your kids when you spend, save, invest and borrow.
Taking time to teach your kids about how money works will literally pay dividends as they progress through high school, college and beyond. Every stage is a unique scenario and financial acumen from the younger years will enable your kids to make the right decisions when they need to be made.
Giving It Blindly
What’s better than getting? Giving! Giving is a great thing. Charities, churches and other worthy organizations can do so much good in the world with the funds they receive. Just as with any donation, vet the recipient(s) thoroughly before giving to ensure that the majority of your gift goes toward supporting the need, not the overhead.
Hiding It (From You Spouse)
Hiding is for birthday presents and hide-n-seek, not for money. Hiding money from your spouse will cause profound consequences for you and them. You will feel guilt on your conscience and a broken trust on theirs.
Financial infidelity strikes the same pain sensors in a person as does being cheated on or lied to. Don’t do that to the person you love. This goes for secret savings accounts as well as secret credit cards or loans. It’s not a matter of if, but when your spouse finds out about it. Nothing good will follow.
Hiding It (From The Government)
When referencing taxes a very wise man once said, “…render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s.” Paying taxes is a civic duty and a requisite component of living in a healthy, modern nation. Pay your fair share of taxes – no more, no less.
Enabling With It
People in our lives will misbehave. Some of them need our help. Some of them need our avoidance. When helping people financially, it is important to understand the underlying reason that they need help. Are they in between jobs because they’re lazy or truly trying but need more time? Are they disabled or dysfunctional? Is this a one-time request or is this a pattern? Knowing the cause of their need will help you to determine if you are helping them or inadvertently enabling them.
Sometimes we try to ‘buy’ ourselves out of difficult situations because it’s easier than digging in and helping. It’s less messy on our end, but harmful to the people we are enabling.